BEREAVEMENT:
As sad as it is, it is a fact of life that very few people manage to progress through life without experiencing the loss of someone or something of great importance in their lives.
When this happens we normally experience what is called grief and grief is a normal and a natural consequence of significant loss.
We may experience grief as a result of the death of a loved one, be they human or animal, or as a consequence of family crisis such as separation or divorce.
It is really important to remember that in the normal sense – grief cannot be ‘fixed’.
Well meaning folk saying that an elderly parent “had a good innings” will not lessen the bereaved person’s grief and pain of their loss.
Often, all a bereaved person needs is someone who will just listen without judging or talking back.
Frequently, all the bereaved person needs is to verbalise their sadness, hurt, pain, shock, disbelief and sometimes anger and in this way they are beginning to heal their grief.
SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT:
In addition to the grief felt at the loss of a loved one, bereavement through the suicide can leave us with a whole range of emotions including overwhelm, confusion, disbelief and shock, and often questioning ourselves as to whether we could have prevented it; this gives rise to the additional emotion of guilt at not having seen it coming. But it is important for us to remember that we acted with the information we had at the time.
Some bereaved people may experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress, particularly if they discovered the body. Anger and depression may also be experienced.
It is also important to recognise that frequently, not only close family and friends are affected by the death of someone by suicide. Co-workers, distant relatives and acquaintances may also be deeply affected.
As you can see, emotional support for the bereaved is very important, as is offering to do something practical to help. You will probably need to be proactive, as it is rare that a bereaved person will phone you in response to be told “if there is anything I can do, let me know”.
So offering to do the shopping, mow the lawn or pick up the kids from school could be very helpful.
We need to be aware that grief is a process that one inevitably goes through after a major loss.
It will also take varying lengths of time to integrate a major loss into one’s life and how long that will take will depend on the individual.
Again, this is normal.
Whatever the loss, we all react in own distinct way and it is important to note that males and females often experience and manage their grief in very different ways. So just because someone is not grieving as you think they should, or the same as you, it doesn’t mean they are not hurting and grieving deeply.
Children grieve too, even young children will grieve the loss of a loved one.
So remember to include children in family grieving and talk about the lost person.
Some ways to support a person grieving or yourself include:
Being gentle with yourself
Find or be a good listener
Take up Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi or Swimming
Have a massage
Get some exercise and fresh air
Talk to a grief counsellor
Deep sadness is normal after the loss of a loved one and a state of depression may also be experienced. While help from supportive family and friends is important at this time, it is also important that your healthcare professional be consulted.
More often than not, we do not know around which corner loss and grief is hiding…and when it hits us, we often wonder how or if we are going to survive the pain of our loss, but if we can take a moment to look back over our lives we will see that we have survived other crises…and we may have even found meaning in earlier adversity; we may also see that we are now stronger and wiser for it.
There is a school of thought which says that no experience is ever wasted, and as James Van Praagh writes in his book ‘Healing Grief’ “……hopefully we grow in the knowledge of ourselves as loving, spiritual beings”.
Resources:
Recommended Reading:
Grief Books for Children:- “Remembering” (3 Age Groups – includes Teens)
Anglicare. 184 Port Road, Hindmarsh. SA 5007
Phone: 8301 4200
After Suicide: Help for the Bereaved (ISBN: 0 85572 262 2)
Author: Sheila Elizabeth Clark
‘Healing Grief’
Author: James Van Praagh
Help Contacts:
LOSS & GRIEF:
National Association of Loss & Grief:
South Australia – Phone: 8411 3124
SUICIDE BEREAVEMENT:
Bereaved Through Suicide Support Group Inc.
PO Box 151, Kent Town. SA 5071
Service Information: 8332 8240 (8am-8pm)
E: btsgroup@chariot.net.au |
Living Beyond Suicide:
Anglicare – 184 Port Road,
Hindmarsh. S.A. 5007
Ph: 8301 4200
E: lbs@anglicare-sa.org.au |
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 800 098
Rape & Sexual Assault Service: 8226 8787
24 hour assistance is available through:
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (freecall)
Police: 000 or 131444
Grieflink: www.grieflink.asn.au
Reachout: www.reachout.asn.au
